I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
