She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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