just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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