Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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