just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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