Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
