i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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