Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
