3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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