The maid of honor just puked.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There's even glitter on my cock...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
