I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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