One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
