we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
