my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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