Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
