i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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