Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
