How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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