I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
