so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
