people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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