Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
