After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
