my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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