She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
