Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
