speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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