As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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