I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
