After last night, I could never be a politician.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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