so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
