One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
