Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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