Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
