the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
