Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you would pick up someone in the library
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
