my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
