Screwed.edu
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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