dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
