and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
