Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
