But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
