So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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