he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
