dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
