This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
