I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
