dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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