hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
organizing the empties. That sober.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
