we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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