the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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