He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
