i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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