She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
